I spent a lot of time alone with my thought last week. Squatch, Little Man, and I drove down to NW Illinois to spend a week with my family, and for a little bit of a vacation for ourselves. Little Man did a lot of shadowing Papa and Uncle B around, so while he was occupied, I did A LOT of sitting on the porch, enjoying the gorgeous weather, and just being alone with my thoughts.

Some of my thoughts were about my cousin, who passed away just days before his 40th birthday earlier this year. My aunt, uncle, and their daughters were in no mindset to be able to give his eulogy, so I volunteered to give it. As I sat one morning, writing it up, all I could think was “What will be said in my eulogy? What legacy am I leaving behind? What do I want to be remembered for?” Now, I was able to give the eulogy without completely breaking down, and I had many family members come up to me after, thanking me for what I had said. But it was NOT easy to do, and I know that as time goes on, they will not get any easier.

But the other mornings and afternoons I spent on the porch, I kept finding myself asking “What am I living for? How am I living my best life? What example am I setting for Little Man (and soon, Baby Bug)? What is the life Squatch and I want to achieve?” And then I would think about the ways we could achieve our goals.

I sat there, listening to the birds or the wind as it blew…Feeling that wind and misty rain some mornings…And I realized…I was ALIVE! I had the day ahead of me. I was far ahead of many others, because I KNEW I was alive and had more to live for.

As I reflected on the life Squatch, Little Man, and I have made since buying Little Red House in September, I knew that we were on the right track. Now, this is NOT the home of our dreams. In fact, when we bought it, we agreed that this would be our 3-5 year house, and when that time frame is over, we will be moving into our new home…A home with a porch where I can sit and enjoy the day…A home on some acreage, away from town…A home that is closer to the rest of the family (but not too close where they would want to drop by unexpectedly)…Probably in SW Wisconsin, or near Davenport.

We have a plan to get there. We have the connections in place, so wherever we settle, we won’t be on our own; there will be like-minded people nearby. This is why I’ve been so focused on building our community, even if we aren’t a short drive down the road from each other right now.

So, when I get down and question whether or not we’re making the right decisions…I just have to look forward, to where we want to be. And think about my time on the porch at the lake house…How alive it made me feel, and that we have a plan and future focus to get us through whatever may come our way. And THAT is what I’m living for…The plans we have made for our family…The life we have planned for our children…And the community we have surrounding us, that has our back, as we make our way forward.