I’ve had this pit in my stomach for most of this year. Sometimes it grows and takes over, sometimes it is just barely noticeable. This year has just been so strange, on so many levels. There has been a lot that is out of my control, and I am not one who enjoys that, so it is almost as if I have been overcompensating for the loss of control. We are at a point where, as a family, we are about to make a huge change (I just made one 2 weeks ago), but Squatch and I cannot help but think that we are making the wrong choice right now.

With all the negativity in our world nowadays, it just makes it worse. I have really enjoyed these past 2 weeks while Little Man and I have been back south with my parents. We have spent most of our days outside – adventuring, climbing, going for walks, etc. I’ve enjoyed it because being so active has kept my mind off of everything, but then we come back to the burbs for a few days, and I’m just surrounded by it all again – the constant negative news, my head always being on a swivel when we are out – it’s wearing on me, down to my soul, and I can feel it.

Squatch drove down for the long weekend, and my plan was to unplug from everything and focus on the three of us. My plans worked out: Little Man was so excited to see his Da, he ran up to the car as soon as he parked, yelling “Da! Da! Da!” The smile on his face radiated outward, and any worries or concerns I had were erased. We took the weekend to discuss our upcoming plans to move, once Squatch gets a new job (he should hear within the next two weeks if it is a go or not!), and because his role will be mostly virtual, we realized we do not have to live IN the city he will be working. That makes me so happy, because it is somewhere there have been protests in the recent months, and not somewhere I necessarily want to be with Little Man, so if we can be on the outskirts, or even an hour away, I will take it! I’ve enjoyed having my husband here with me, and the opportunity to reconnect in a stress-free enviroment. He seemed so happy and carefree, not at all how he has been the past several months. Squatch even commented to me, several times, actually, that Little Man is a completely different kid here at the lake versus when we were up North at the in-laws. It is true – Little Man has no stress, no tension, we are not worrying about someone being in a bad mood when we wake up in the morning or finish a nap, he is not constantly clinging to me – and the fact that Squatch was able to see it first hand, that is huge. He wants us to be in the best place possible, and he is comfortable in knowing that is right where we are at the moment, until the three of us can be our own family unit again.

The best part about this weekend? I did not check the news. I did pop into FaceBook on Sunday morning to see if there were any warnings about local roads being washed out, because we had about 8 straight hours of rain (it was glorious to listen to with the open windows, and to feel the breeze all night long!), and Nanny’s friend had to drive back to the NW Burns. We didn’t see any warnings, but we had her take a different route back, just in case there were problems. Let me tell you – not knowing what the latest issue the media deemed to be newsworthy was glorious. We will check in with my cousin who is a CPD Officer after the holiday, to see how she is doing, and how her weekend went; but other than that, we have no clue how things went in Chicago.

Little Man and I will stay at the lake this next week and, again, live blissfully unaware of what is happening everywhere. If something happens, it will happen. If it is important for me to know about, the news will make it to me. People knew about major events and occurrences for centuries before the invention of 24/7 news, there is no need to be constantly plugged in. As for me, all I can do is make sure that my little family is safe and ready for where this crazy world takes us.

Yeah…that pit in my stomach is still there, but it is just a little bit of nagging that pops up once in a while, to remind me to keep my guard up, and my senses alert. Just like the little rain that came through this afternoon, even though my parents’ weather app said it was expected to be sunny and bright, I knew it was coming because I read the signs – the heavier clouds, the breeze cooling off and picking up, the unmistakable smell of rain on the wind, and the dull ache of my ankle – they all told me rain was on the way.

Pay attention to that pit in your stomach, but see what you can do to minimize it without being completely ignorant this week.