Have you ever woken up and just been in a mood? No reason, other than you just woke up in a funk? Well, that was my Monday morning. I was exhausted, and Little Man woke up shortly after 6, so I just let him play in bed next to me, babbling away, while I lay there with my eyes closed, just trying to get a few more minutes to rest before starting the day.

When we got upstairs, I was just immediately on the defensive. Again, no idea why, but I could feel that I was tense and on edge. I made Little Man his breakfast, and he ate all of his bananas, plus some food from the jar. He was starting to pick up on my edginess, and got clingy, so I let him lead me away from the table (I had finished my tea and eggs), and we sat down by his toys. I would pull one toy out, he would shake his head and push it away, and I would go for another. After a minute or two of this, we were both giggling. When he got bored of this and walked away, I could feel the tension return.

I realized that I was starting to get a headache, and it was from the television being on. I tell you, the last time the thing was off was on Friday, when my MIL went into town and my FIL was in the garage working. Friday was so calm and refreshing, and there was no stress anywhere to be found. Realizing that it was the television, I knew what the cause was. I had left the sheets and other laundry in the basement, so I ran down to get them, and Little Man helped me push the buttons on the washing machine to get it all started. I heard the in-laws discussing what show to watch – there must be 100 shows recorded on there, so it’s always a bit of an ordeal. They settled on some Alaska show where people are building cabins all across the state.

I was a little annoyed, but had to clean up after breakfast, and keep an eye on the laundry. I left Little Man upstairs with everyone while I ran down to take a shower. I will admit, I took a much longer one than usual; about 15 minutes or so. It felt glorious to stand under the water and just let it run down my back. I don’t take very long showers anymore, because the water is not very reliable to stay warm, and because I don’t want Little Man to be screaming upstairs, so I keep them to 5 minutes or less.

I did feel better, still slightly on edge, but better, after the shower. When we finished lunch, I had to grab the dried sheets and washed clothes that needed to be hung up while I threw the rest into the dryer. Little Man was right on top of me, and I just pleaded with him to “give Mummy 5 minutes to get this done.” Squatch swooped in, grabbed Little Man, and took him downstairs so I could finish getting everything sorted. I brought everything downstairs to hang up, and Little Man decided he wanted to climb the stairs and adventure, so Squatch went with him while I hung our things to dry. I ran back up, grabbed Little Man, and brought him down for his nap.

He was more than ready to sleep, and was out in under 5 minutes (YEAH!!!). I started thinking, what was causing the edginess and stress? It was more than the television, and I knew that. I realized it was the fact that there are a lot of things outside of my control right now. I cannot control my in-laws having the television on all day, watching their home improvement, realty, and murder-mystery shows. I cannot control them wanting big meals all day (full breakfast, lunch, and dinner is too much for us; plus we don’t mind having the same things each week). I cannot control the half-finished craft projects that are laying all around the house (apparently this does not cause others to have their OCD go nuts, like it does me when I start and don’t finish something). I cannot control the questions I get when I say I plan on staying home with Little Man, and homeschooling him when he is bigger. I cannot control everyone else’s lives.

I can control myself, and in doing so, Little Man. By ensuring I am cool, calm, and collected, I can reduce the stress that Little Man picks up on, allowing him to be more independent and less clingy. I can find things to do with Little Man to keep us both away from the television when it is on all day. I can work with Squatch to set aside time for him to take a break from studying for the LSAT to hang out with Little Man so I can get some much needed time for myself. I can support Squatch when he gets frustrated, and be an ear for him when he needs to just talk things out. I can take Little Man outside (when it’s not snowing or freezing out) to allow us to both ground ourselves and re-boot.

It’s all about control, but not the control most people think about. You can only control so much of your life – take a look and see what that looks like for you.